As you can probably see from the blurred image I’ve featured, I had a great night last night, one of the best I’ve had in a long time. Last night, even though I wasn’t expecting to, I felt like myself. I’m not saying that it was a perfect night, there were some hiccups, but for the first time, I don’t care.
I’ve always had this issue with what people think of me, always wanting to impress everyone, without considering myself. Last night, there was only one person I wanted to impress – my girlfriend. I want to metaphorically refer to her as a flower as it needs to be watered and in the sun, and I’m afraid lately, that I’ve been casting a dark cloud. I was so focused on myself, this issue, that I don’t think I checked to see if she was okay.
I couldn’t write any words to explain how amazing she is, and she’s put up with all my bullshit, from day one. We get various questions quite often, not people who are rude, but inquisitive and I guess, bold. They ask if we’re gay, and that’s how they label us, because I haven’t told anyone about me yet. I was hoping, maybe, they would just notice. But if you’ve read my older posts, even my dad hasn’t noticed, so who am I kidding?
I’m stuck on what to do. If I tell everyone, I don’t want them to feel as if I’m attention seeking. It would be difficult to handle another skeptical view, even though I know I’ll probably come across that my whole life. The heartbreaking thing, wishing she could call me Nathan in public, say I’m her boyfriend. That’s what I feel inside, that’s what I want people to see us as. I have no discrimination against anyone and their beliefs or feelings, I just want people to see us and me, how I see it. I know that I have a long way to go, and that we have a long way to go together. Hence why I thought of this blog, 5 years down the line when my situation has improved considerably, I can read this back and see that hopefully, I did myself proud.
At the party last night, despite a few drunk people who said a few inappropriate things, I felt good. I find it quite hard to find male friends, but last night I talked to loads of guys, and I felt like one of the guys. Flower was dancing with all her girl-friends, and I got to talk about technology and gaming at the table with the guys. A perfect night, and it was even better being able to see my girlfriend happy, and for her to see me ecstatic for a change. This is the life. That’s what I thought in that moment, and I’m loving reliving it as I type.
I wanted to write this post to say that without this girl, I know I wouldn’t have got this far, or got anywhere.